Meet the Kenobis
by JedimasterSheelal
Summary: NOW COMPLETE ObiWan Kenobi arrives back at Coruscant for a reunion with the Kenobi family. Along with him comes his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker. But can our favorite Jedi survive with the unique torture of being with his family again?
1. Obi Pumpkin

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away:

On Coruscant, our favorite Jedi was undergoing a unique form of torture: FAMILY REUNIONS!

"Oh, Obi-pumpkin, it's been so long since I've seen you!" Ms. Kenobi said as she pinched her youngest son's cheeks.

Obi-Wan managed to sneak a glance back to Anakin, who smiled. "I miss you too, mum." Obi-Wan replied.

"And who's this handsome young man?" Obi-Wan's older sister, Serra Kenobi, said as she came down the stairs of the Kenobi penthouse.

"Mum, Owen, Serra, this is my apprentice Anakin Skywalker. He's a great swordsman, he knows how to use the Force, and a good friend." Obi-Wan told his family.

"Anakin, this is my mother, and Serra and Owen Kenobi." Anakin shook hands with each one of the Kenobis.

"Mum, where are Trever and Sanika?" Obi-Wan asked when his twin siblings did not appear.

"They should be here soon, Obi-Pumpkin. Happy birthday, pumpkin. I hope being a Jedi isn't too hard for my little Obi."

Obi-Wan tried very hard to suppress a sigh. Sometimes his mother forgot that her "Obi-Pumpkin" was 36.


	2. Scalloped Potatoes

Finally, all the Kenobis were assembled at the dinner table. Every Kenobi sibling had their eyes on the scalloped potatoes.

"Now, now, since today is Obi-pumpkin's birthday, he gets the scalloped potatoes first." Ms. Kenobi said and snatched the potatoes away from Trever.

"Just don't eat all of it, Obi-Wimp!" Owen yelled at his younger brother.

Anakin looked a little uncomfortable sitting there surrounded by all the insane Kenobis. "So, Master, who's the oldest and the youngest of your family?" Anakin asked, just to make conversation.

"Sanika is the oldest." Obi-Wan said, his mouth full of potato. "And I'm the youngest."

"So, Anakin, I suppose you think us Kenobis are crazy." Owen asked as he jabbed Trever in the ribs.

"No, not really. People from my home planet are by far crazier." Anakin said with a glance at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan snorted. "Really, on Tatooine? You should just see the way Serra drives her speeder around here."

"Oh now, Obi and Serry, stop fighting." Ms. Kenobi said. "Obi-Pumpkin, how is your old master Qui-Gon Jinn doing?"

Obi-Wan and Anakin exchanged glances. "Mum, he was killed on Naboo." Obi-Wan said, his voice all choked up.

Dinner was disbanded in an instant.


	3. Embarrassing Childhood stories

The sun rose over Coruscant, but the Kenobi family was already wide awake. The foyer of the Kenobi penthouse was packed with people enjoying their morning cup of coffee. "Obi-Pumpkin" was squished between Owen and Anakin. "I have a very bad feeling about this." He whispered in Anakin's ear.

Anakin nodded. "Yeah. What awkward question will your mother ask now?"

That question was answered soon enough with: "I remember when Obi-Pumpkin was so little."

Obi-Wan sighed the deepest sigh you may ever hear.

Anakin nudged Obi-Wan with his elbow. "C'mon, how bad can this be?"

"Little Obi was always one for screaming and throwing tantrums." Ms. Kenobi continued.

Obi-Wan turned a bright shade of scarlet.

"Hey mum! Remember how we found out that Obi-Wuss had a 'problem'?" Sanika asked.

Anakin looked quite mischievous when he whispered, "What exactly is this 'problem'?"

"That I was Force sensitive." Obi-Wan said before a gigantic gulp.

"Oh, yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday." Serra said. "Obi was using the Force to fling cereal at me."

Anakin tried very hard to suppress a laugh, and Obi-Wan turned an even brighter shade of scarlet.

"Oh, and Obi-Pumpkin loved to bite people."

"He pinched me on several occasions."

"I'm not a wuss!"

"Trever, be nice."

"Master?"

"You should be glad that I don't have my lightsaber with me!"


	4. Nieces and Nephews

After a long 4 hours of playing virtual volleyball, Obi-Wan Kenobi decided the best thing would be to take a nap.

But when he opened his eyes, this already terrible reunion was about to get worse.

He was surrounded by all his nieces and nephews, nine of them. "Uncle Obi-Wan, is it true that you're a Jedi?" One of them asked.

"Well, duh. Why do you think I have that laser sword for?... Holy, little kid gimme back me lightsaber or I'll take it away by the Force." Obi-Wan yelled.

Apparently English doesn't compute. Instead, the little kid had the weapon part extended and was waving it around saying, "Look at me! I'm a Jedi."

Obi-Wan had enough. He wasn't about to let his nephew cut off someone's head with the lightsaber, and just before that happened, Obi-Wan used the Force to grab the saber. And his nephew started bawling his eyes out. "What was it? I can't have you waving that around."

English still doesn't compute. Now puppy eyes. "But I want to be a Jedi!" He sobbed.

"Obi-Pumpkin, time for lunch!" Mrs. Kenobi yelled.

All of his nieces and nephews burst out laughing.


	5. Virtual Disaster

After lunch, there was nothing better to do than play: Virtual Volleyball. It was absolutely crazy. Obi-Wan ran into Owen and Serra about five times. The same little kid that had taken Obi-Wan's lightsaber earlier was still trying to snatch it.

The score was ten to zero in Anakin's favor. Obi-Wan was getting really frustrated, mostly because he was hitter and he couldn't spike. Owen setted, and Obi-Wan cheated: using the Force, he made a PERFECT downball.

Anakin cursed in about every language he knew.

The next serve, Anakin used the Force to push it out.

Obi-Wan Force-pushed Sanika's set out.

Anakin used the Force to put Serra's pass into the net.

And so it continued for an hour, until, of course, that pesky kid snatched the lightsaber again. "Ha ha!" he was yelling as he leaped across the living room. "I'm a Jedi!" Obi-Wan, in blind panic, forgot to use the Force to see any objects in his way; he ran into the TV set and broke his nose.


	6. The Doctor's Office

Owen quickly snatched the lightsaber away. Obi-Wan was just staring at all the blood all over his hands. Anakin ran over to his master. "Man, you smashed into the TV good." Anakin commented.

"Ha ha, very funny." Obi-Wan said, very sarcastically.

"Obi-Pumpkin, what happened to you?" Mrs. Kenobi exclaimed as she put down the video camera. She had recorded the entire thing.

"That kid took his lightsaber and he smashed his face into the TV." Anakin said, trying very hard to not laugh.

This could only lead to one thing: the pediatrician's office.

000

"Mum. Mum. Mum." Obi-Wan said, holding a handkerchief to his nose. It was bleeding hard.

"Obi-Pumpkin, it looks like you've smashed your head in. You need to see the doctor." Mrs. Kenobi was saying as she dragged her son down the corridor to the pediatrician's office.

"Mum, can we at least go to the Jedi Temple? I have health coverage there and everything." Obi-Wan complained.

"You drive the speeder? I don't think so. Why would they allow someone who is not a Jedi into the temple?" Mrs. Kenobi said.

"I'll get you in using my Jedi I.D. card." Obi-Wan said as he held up the blue and yellow card that proclaimed that he was Obi-Wan R. Kenobi.

"Oh, fine. I would actually love not having to pay for you." Mrs. Kenobi said.

Obi-Wan let out a deep sigh of relief. He had just narrowly avoided going to Dr. Hseih; Obi-Wan hadn't seen him since he was two.


	7. Dead Men Eat No Potatoes

"Obi-Wan?" Mrs. Kenobi asked as the Kenobis sat down for dinner.

"Yes?" Obi-Wan said, a little irritably. He was trying to not fiddle with the bandage wrapped awkwardly over his nose and around his head.

"When will Qui-Gon be arriving?"

Apparently she didn't remember that Qui-Gon had been killed. "He's dead." Obi-Wan said. "Dead men don't eat mashed potatoes."

"Oh, Obi-Pumpkin! I'm so sorry to hear that. Master Qui-Gon was always a nice fellow."

"It's all right, mum. He died doing what he loved to do, protecting the galaxy."

Mrs. Kenobi got on a lighter note. "How about that Siri Tachi girl? Is she doing fine?"

"Yes, mum." Obi-Wan said. It sounded as though he'd like to get off this topic.

"Remember that message you sent me when you were 18? About your feelings for Siri and all. I thought that was quite sweet." Mrs. Kenobi asked.

Anakin raised his eyebrows. "Master?"

"Yeah, how he thought she was so beautiful with her long blonde hair, lovely green eyes…"

"MUM!" Obi-Wan stood up. There was a dead silence. "I don't want you to share every personal moment that I've had in this house until I was twenty-five!"

Mrs. Kenobi looked very hurt.

"I came here to spend a week free from war, and the cares of being a Jedi, and of the Republic. But look what I've got for my pains; a broken nose, a pesky nephew, about three thousand embarrassing moments! And I don't want you sharing some of my deepest secrets with my Padawan. I never force him to share his, and then you just deal them out like a deck of cards. Tomorrow, I will be going back to the Temple and Anakin and I will hopefully be given a mission. Good night!"

Mrs. Kenobi looked at Anakin with a new respect. "So that's why you're here."


	8. Insomnia

Obi-Wan had terrible insomnia. He just couldn't go to sleep. He thought about the Temple, what mission they would send them on next. But then he could just picture every Jedi laughing at the odd configuration covering half his face.

No, thinking about the Temple was absolutely no help. So Obi-Wan stared at the walls instead. His mother had put everyone in their own room, Anakin and cousins in a guest bedroom, and she had even prepared a room for Qui-Gon; she must have thought he was coming along, and not Anakin. Qui-Gon. How Obi-Wan missed him. In this turmoil, he longed for his old master, whom he could talk to about his troubles. And he missed Siri terribly too.

So what Obi-Wan did was stare at the walls, and hoped to soothe his mind. It did no good. As Mrs. Kenobi had everyone in their own room, she had set Obi-Wan in the nursery, which was technically his room. But the lurid purple walls with pink elephants on them did not help in the least.


	9. Change of Heart

Obi-Wan heard a knock on the door. "Obi?" a voice said. It was Serra. Of all his siblings, the one Obi-Wan was closest was Serra. She didn't call him Obi-Wuss or Obi-Wimp or even Obi-Pumpkin. She called him Obi, if anything. "Obi?" She repeated.

"Yes, Serra, what is it?" He said, tiredly.

"I brought you some dinner, just because I thought you were probably hungry. You left without dinner."

"Come in, then." Obi-Wan said.

After Serra came in and set the food on his bedside table, Obi-Wan continued. "I can't sleep in here. And I'm accustomed to sleeping anywhere. Cargo bays, battle sites. And now I just can't sleep."

"Maybe you're all bamboozled over all the problems of the Jelly, I mean Jedi. You should stay here." Serra said.

Obi-Wan gave Serra the stink eye.

Serra laughed. "I remember that look!"

After Serra had gone to bed, Obi-Wan snuck out to the living room and slept on the sofa.

000

When he woke up, once again things were about to get worse.


	10. QuiGon

His mom was standing over him. "Wake up, my little Obi-Alligator."

Alligator. That was a new one.

Obi-Wan opened one sleepy eye. "Go back to bed." Obi-Wan rolled onto his other side, in the process squishing his nose into the pillow.

"I'm so sorry about Qui-Gon, he was always so kind to you." Mrs. Kenobi began.

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. "Yeah."

"Remember that time when he came over, and you ate too much seafood?"

"Yeah."

"Then all you did on his stay was puke up seafood?"

"Mum, we were staying on the Calimaris' planet. It's rude not to eat their food, even if it is a little …overpowering."

"Oh, and remember that other time when you came here with Qui-Gon on spring break and you came home claiming not to know a single one of your family members."

"There my memory gets a little rusty."

"Quite to the point. Qui-Gon said someone had attempted a mind sweep on you."

"Now I remember." Obi-Wan rolled on his back. The couch stunk like wet dog.

"Oh. I sent that wonderful video of you and the kids playing so wonderfully."

Obi-Wan sat bolt upright. "Where?" He asked, wide eyed.

"Coruscant's Funniest Home Videos."


	11. CFHV

The TV in the Jedi council room blazed to life in time for Coruscant's Funniest Home Videos. Of course, almost the entire of the Temple seemed to packed in there, but the Jedi loved getting a laugh. Siri Tachi noted that Obi-Wan was still at his mother's house. She had looked forward to seeing him again.

"Hello, Coruscant, and welcome to Coruscant's Funniest Home Videos." Ma-Handi-Kudi, the host, beamed at the crowd. "We have great laughs in store on this wonderful night in the big city."

The crowd cheered.

"Now, we all know that the Jedi are guardians of the galaxy, but what about their impersonators?"

On went a series of clips if kids (and adults) pretending to Force-leap over furniture, and failing to do so. It made everyone laugh.


	12. CFHV, cont

Of course, Obi-Wan was forced to watch his debut on Coruscant's Funniest Home Videos. Even though his mom had put the video out for the prize money, Obi-Wan did not want to be seen there with the ridiculous tape covering his nose. So instead Mrs. Kenobi, Serra, and Owen went to see it live.

"I sense your anxiety, Master." Anakin said.

"Yeah, just waiting for the moment of embarrassment." Obi-Wan flipped through the pages of the TV guide.

"Oh, don't sweat it. Your mom's moment of triumph doesn't come until the end."

"And that's supposed to be the good news?" Obi-Wan asked, incredulously.

"Oh, it's back on." Anakin said, and that was the end of their conversation.


	13. Moment of Embarrassment

The Jedi waited anxiously for the final contestant in the 10,000 credit video contest. That was about to be answered.

"Our final contestant tonight. We've seen animals, and people pretending to be Jedi, and speeder incidents. But how about when a Jedi makes this mistake?" Ma-Handi-Kudi asked quizzically.

Every Jedi raised his or her eyebrows.

"This is titled: Virtual Disaster!"

There were two Jedi playing virtual volleyball. They were using the Force to affect the path of the ball. Suddenly, a little kid grabbed the older Jedi's lightsaber, and was swinging it around singing," I'm a Jedi. Look at me, I'm a Jedi."

Then the same Jedi swung around and ran right into the TV set.

The Jedi sat there trying to figure out who that person was.

But naturally, that was to be answered soon enough.


	14. Moment of Truth

"Now, the suppliers of this clip, Mrs. Kenobi, Serra Kenobi, and Owen Kenobi!"

Mace Windu looked at the screen, hardly believing his eyes.

"Obi-Wan's family, that is." Yoda said.

"Where is he?" Siri Tachi asked.

Then the entire Council burst out laughing, until Mrs. Kenobi began to speak. "I'm deeply sorry that Obi-Pumpkin couldn't come today." She said. "He didn't want to be seen in public today."

"The TV face plant left him with a broken nose." Owen Kenobi quipped.

"Now, here's the winner of this week's contest." Ma-Handi-Kudi said. "And it's… Virtual Disaster!"

000

In the Kenobi penthouse, Obi-Wan fainted with embarrassment.

"Master…MASTER!" Anakin yelled. "Gosh, you shouldn't faint just because your video won." He ran to the kitchen to grab a cup of ice cold water.

Anakin quickly revived his master, and you may guess that Obi-Wan really disliked that.


	15. The Council's Decision

"Obi-Wan used the Force to cheat in a game of Virtual Volleyball. This must be dealt with." Mace Windu said at the next meeting.

"Entertaining, it was." Yoda commented. "Never laughed so hard have I."

"I know the perfect punishment for Kenobi." Ki-Adi-Mundi said. "Anyone like to hear it?"

Everyone nodded.

"One week in the mail room!"

"And what about his Padawan?" Shaak Ti brought up.

"Work with his master he will." Yoda answered.

"So who's gonna crack the news to him?" Master Gin inquired.

"I will." Siri Tachi said. "I think I know where the Kenobi penthouse is."

"Good, that's settled!" Mace Windu smiled. "Now, lunch break!"

Three Twi-Leks brought in pizza. "Showbiz pizza!" Shaak Ti exclaimed. "My favorite!"

Yoda held up a sad brown paper sack. "When bring bag lunch I do, pizza the others order!"

While everyone was eating, Yoda was pondering only one thing. After a few bites of sandwich and some Yoda Soda, he just had to ask. "HOW PASS ENGLISH 101 DO I?"


	16. Microsoft Streets and Trips

Siri Tachi programmed the Kenobi penthouse address into her Microsoft Streets and Trips console, and she was off in her speeder. After taking the main road for a few miles, it told her to turn left.

A few more miles, turn right. She was getting into a seedy part of the neighborhood. Soon, she ended up in the power end of things. She looked behind her. There was a sign that said, "Not open for sightseeing".

"Dang it." Siri cursed. However, she kept going.

After a while, she got back into the business district. It said to turn right, then left. Siri swore in every language known to man.

000

She had reached her destination. But instead of being a huge apartment building, it was a restaurant called: Jet In Diner. "Drat!" Siri kept exclaiming. "Where the heck is the Kenobi penthouse!"


	17. Breaking News

"Siri!" Obi-Wan exclaimed when he saw her face sticking through the door. "What brings you here?"

"It took me forever to find this place!" She exclaimed. "Moral of the story… NEVER USE MICROSOFT STREETS AND TRIPS!" She yelled.

"OK, OK." Obi-Wan said. "Did the Council find me a mission?"

"Err. Yes and no."

"Wadda you mean?" Obi-Wan furrowed his brows.

"You have to work in the mail room for a week." Siri said. "In punishment for using the Force to cheat in a game of virtual volleyball."

"ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan yelled. "We are finally getting out of this dump!"

Then on the spot Obi-Wan and Anakin danced the famous crazy Jedi dance.

000

"Bye-bye, my dear Obi-Bumpkin." Mrs. Kenobi waved as their speeder took off. This time, they used Google Map. They got lost in the druggee section of town.

THIS CHAPTER HAS A MORAL: NEVER USE MICROSOFT STREETS AND TRIPS OR GOOGLE MAPS! THIS SECTION BASED ON REAL EXPERIENCE.


	18. The Mailroom

Obi-Wan and Anakin sat putting letters in envelopes, then return addresses, then stamps. It was tedious as heck. Anakin was going at a clip, though.

Obi-Wan licked a stamp to put on a letter to Siri, who had just been sent on a mission. He tried to rip the stamp off his tongue. It stuck. He tried again. To no avail.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan yelled, his diction impaired by the stamp. "There's a stamp stuck on my tongue!"


	19. We're Back

_Yay! I've finally decided to keep Meet the Kenobis going. That should please everyone!_

000

Once again, only two weeks later, Obi-Wan and Anakin found themselves back at the Kenobi penthouse for Christmas. Inside, Christmas music was playing. "Aw, Force help us!" Anakin whispered.

"OBI-PUMPKIN!" Mrs. Kenobi yelled. "You're home!" She ran to pinch her son's cheeks once again.

"Déjà vu." Said Obi-Wan.

"It's been so long since I've seen you, my little Obi!"

"Yeah, two weeks." Obi-Wan commented.

"I suppose that only Coruscant's funniest home videos will get us out of this place." Anakin wondered aloud.

"No, not this time." Obi-Wan said. "I don't feel it."

"Owen, Serra!" Mrs. Kenobi yelled. "Obi-Pumpkin's back!"

"What, are Sanika and Trever coming over?" Anakin asked.

"No, I'm afraid not." Mrs. Kenobi sighed. "It's just us lonelies."

Obi-Wan chose to change the subject. "Umm, mum, but can I sleep in Trever's room, please?" He pleaded. "I get so tired of the nursery."

Mrs. Kenobi looked disappointed. "But I made the nursery so pretty for you."

Obi-Wan shook his head. Why did Christmas always make him suffer?


	20. Finding Nero or Nemo?

Obi-Wan was awoken by Mrs. Kenobi, as usual. "Wake up, Pumpkin!" She yelled in his face.

Obi-Wan awoke with a start. "Mum, what is it?"

"Oh, Obi-Pumpkin, today we're going to see 'Finding Nero' in the theaters!" Mrs. Kenobi exclaimed. "First showing opening day! It'll be so exciting, with sharks and dentists and little fishies –"

Obi-Wan looked bummed. "And I thought that there was some documentary on Emperor Nero of Roma," Obi-Wan replied. "You mean 'Finding Nemo'."

Anakin was sitting on the sofa, bemoaning his fate. "Master, a little kiddie animated movie? We'll die! Yoda's bringing all the younglings to see it!"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Force," He cursed. "I was hoping that nothing embarrassing would happen."

Owen sat beside Anakin. "I've seen the commercials," He warned. "It's painful! 'Fish are friends, not food'." He quoted.

Anakin bowed his head. "If all the younglings see us there, there will never be respect to our names again! We must escape."

Mrs. Kenobi walked into the room. "Let's go, everyone!"

"Where's Serra?" Obi-Wan and Owen asked unison.

Serra trudged into the room, obviously looking displeased. "Ready to suffer, Obi, Owen, Ani?"

The guys nodded.


	21. King of Thieves

Anakin, walking into the theater, looked around for Yoda. It wasn't hard to find.

A little Nautolan was yanking Yoda's ears while a Mandolorian was sucking on his foot.

"Ya wanna trade my blue milk for your purple M&Ms?" a Togruta asked a blue Twi-Lek.

An Iktotchi was arguing with a Mon Calamari.

Anakin shook his head. "And Yoda only took the youngest ones."

A Cerean looked at Anakin. "Lookie, it's Master Skywalker!" He exclaimed, and ran over, where some Padawans danced in a circle around Anakin.

Yoda looked up. "Master Obi-Wan, young Skywalker? Are you here to watch Kingdom of Nero?"

"Unfortunately, no," Anakin answered. "We're here to see Finding Nemo."

"Oh," The Mon Cal said. "We're here to see Aladdin and the King of Feives! Aladdin's supposed to meet his dad in this one. Aladdin is SO much cooler than Jarfart!"

"No he's not. Aladdin cheated. He has a dumb old carpet and a genie," The Iktotchi argued.

"Well that means that Aladdin is cooler than Jarfart!" The Mon Cal retorted.

"Need help, I do," Yoda admitted. "Want to see Finding Nemo, some kids do. Switch the tickets, we can."

"We'll help you out, Master Yoda," Anakin answered.

The Togruta jumped up and down, and the Twi-Lek hugged Obi-Wan's leg. "We want to see Finding Nemo!"

Obi-Wan smiled. "You see that lady over there," Obi-Wan showed the two girls Mrs. Kenobi, "She'll take you with her."

Mrs. Kenobi didn't mind the two younglings with her. It was better than Obi-Wan and Anakin complaining.


	22. Attack of the Younglings

Obi-Wan, placed between the arguing Iktotchi and Mon Cal, watched as the movie opened with a song. He hadn't seen Aladdin one and he was lost. He liked the Genie, though.

Forced to watch all the painful fight scenes (when compared to his real life fights), Obi-Wan was slowly lulled to sleep. The last thirty minutes, Obi-Wan began to snore. And then talk in his sleep.

"Try Comet, it's better than Dawn," He muttered.

Iktotchi and Mon Cal stopped fighting and stared at Obi-Wan.

"Muddy mud mud!" He exclaimed.

Many of the audience looked disgruntled. "Tell him to shut up!" Nautolan next to Anakin whispered in Mon Cal's ear.

Mon Cal decided to wake up Obi-Wan. When the usual opening eye lids didn't work, he opted for Obi-Wan's soda.

Obi-Wan flew off his seat. "Cold! Who did that?!" He cried.

The Mon Cal made himself look completely innocent.

The Iktotchi hit Obi-Wan with the box of Butterfinger bb's.

"Ouch!" Obi-Wan ran out of the theater as fast as possible.

Back in the theater, Yoda and Anakin awoke with a start. The movie was almost over, but all the younglings were gone. So was Obi-Wan. The pair looked at each other, and then bolted out of the theater too.

Outside, the younglings were chasing Obi-Wan. "Fight! Fight!" Nautolan yelled.

Obi-Wan tripped over some youngling's foot. He fell face-first into a bucket of popcorn.

At that moment, Mrs. Kenobi, Owen, and Serra exited their movie. "Obi-Pumpkin, what are you doing?" She asked.

The younglings, and Yoda, burst out laughing.


	23. Yay! DRINKS!

It was Christmas Eve, and Mrs. Kenobi had allowed everyone to open one present. The catch: she picked the present. Anakin was staring greedily at his gift. "Anakin, how old are you? Two or nineteen?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Aw, come on, master."

Obi-Wan looked at his gift. It had the unsettling shape of a bottle of peppermint schnapps. "Oh, no!" Obi-Wan said, hoping that it wasn't what it was.

"Come on, Owen and Serra, let's open our presents!" Mrs. Kenobi exclaimed.

The crazy Kenobis all crowded around the Christmas tree. Anakin opened his gift to find that it was a Nintendo Wii. "Thanks, Mrs. Kenobi," Anakin stammered. "This is awesome."

Owen opened his to find the latest laptop model with Vista. "Sweet!" Owen exclaimed, and started to fiddle around with his computer.

Serra opened her present; it was the Mac iBook.

"Oh crap," Owen scowled. "Now my laptop will probably catch a virus."

Obi-Wan looked fearfully at what looked like a bottle of schnapps wrapped in green Santa paper. He felt the present, something inside sloshed.

Ripping away the paper, he stared down at the 100 brand peppermint schnapps. But the 'booze essence' was taking over…

"Thanks, mum," Obi-Wan said, and unscrewed the bottle's cap. He started chugging the drink down.

Anakin tried to take the booze away, but it didn't work.

Twenty minutes later, the bottle was empty, and Obi-Wan was blind drunk.


	24. Sithie Walrus

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin. Oddly enough, he looked like a mighty Sith lord. "OMIGOD! Sith!" Obi-Wan chased Anakin around the apartment, with Anakin holding a better chance against Obi-Wan, Anakin could still see straight.

Obi-Wan ran crazily into the couch. Mrs. Kenobi, Owen, and Serra scooted out of the room. "This is personal business," Serra warned. "We don't want to interfere."

Indeed, Owen and Serra could hardly contain their laughter as Obi-Wan chased Anakin around in circles. Around the coffee table, over the couch, under the piano, Obi-Wan called Anakin a Sith and tried to capture his padawan.

"Sithie! Sithie Sith! You sithie walrus!" Obi-Wan yelled drunkenly, and fell onto the couch, dazed.

Anakin sat onto the recliner. "Finally, you're done with that." Anakin sighed. "I was afraid I'd be chopped into--"

Obi-Wan flew at Anakin, lightsaber engaged.

"Fish bait," Anakin finished, and dove out the window.

Fortunately, a demented, mentally sick girl named Sunny had been climbing from the one-hundredth story from a rope. Anakin grabbed a hold and went flying. Deep, primeval drums began playing from inside an apartment. "George, George, George of the jungle, strong as he can be," Accompanied the drums. "Watch out for that tree, watch out for that--"

Anakin went flying into the same apartment that the song was coming from. Coming from an Anakin-shaped hole, one heard an 'oof', along with Anakin's exclamation of "TREE! GODDAMN IT!!"


	25. Sobered Up

About two days after Christmas, Obi-Wan finally sobered up.

Mrs. Kenobi led the unwilling crew into the media room. "Sweet!" Anakin exclaimed. "We'll watch a movie? Do you have one of those new blue-ray players?"

"No," Mrs. Kenobi pulled out a video tape, and stuck it in the VCR. "We'll watch Serra's old 8th grade movie that she made about 1989-1992."

Serra looked petrified. "Not that God awful film."

Mrs. Kenobi smiled as she noted that the video tape she had played was noted as bloopers.

On shot a picture of a boy that Serra had worked with. He had acne and braces, and spoke with eh most horrendous Coruscanti accent. "Hello, I'm Corey Burns, and I'm here to welcome you to this movie about the years 1989 to 1992. In this installment, we will ocver the fall of if the Werlint wall—" Here an ominous orange peel floated above Corey's head, "Operation Desert Scorn, the Kaltooaskain oil spill, and the natural disasters of this time, along with popular culture."

The was another shot of Obi-Wan running down the hall with the script, ripping it up and growling like a dog.

Yet another of him shouting, "You'll never catch me! I'm the Jedi man!"

Anakin began to laugh his head off. Obi-wan nudged him with his elbow. "Shut up!" He hissed.

"Stupid Serra!" Obi-Wan was yelling at another girl in the video. "Shut up and do as you're told."

"Yeah, Anakin, look at my words of wisdom," Obi-Wan stuck his nose in the air.

Finally, the ultimate embarrassment of the entire blooper video: Obi-Wan bting Serra. Like Jaws of the deep, the younger Obi-Wan snuck behind Serra. He opened his mouth wide,and clamped down on his sister's arm. A very long list of profanities followed.

Anakin was laughing his head off, along with Serra and Owen.

Mrs. Kenobi said, "Oh, Obi-pumpkin, you were so cute back then. Now you're kinda not-so-cute."

Obi-Wan, of course, was bright red.


	26. Anakinny

Anakin, after his plaster-and-George-of-the-Jungle incident, was more than ready to play Obi-Wan at 102 Dalmatians: Puppies Escape! with his new Wii. Obi-Wan, sitting in the family room, had sudden flashbacks of the Virtual Volleyball accident. At least Trever and Sanika wouldn't be here to chastise him for looking like a complete and total eejit.

Anakin plugged in the game console, and handed Obi-Wan his controller. He had briefly read through the controls, and once the annoying, tinny music came on, he finally forgot about the volleyball and the TV set. "I want Domino, I want—" Obi-Wan was silenced as Anakin picked Domino, the boy dog.

Anakin grinned. "Sorry, Master. I didn't hear you."

"Fine," Obi-Wan pouted. "I'll play as Oddball."

On the screen appeared bright neon green characters that said: Factory Floor one.

"So, I assume that there'll be more than one Factory floor," Obi-Wan sighed.

Obi-Wan, so blinded by the neon letters, had his dog leap off the balcony onto an evil car thing, and his character died. "Damn it."

Anakin had his dog sail gracefully through the air to land on a dog bone. "There's the key! Now we can free the other dogs!" Anakin exclaimed.

Oddball respawned. The animated dog followed Domino until a blimp blew up Oddball. "Shit."

Anakin's pawn, though, had released several dogs already. "Obi-Pumpkin, is Anakinny being mean to you?"

Anakin almost had a heart attack. "Oh my Force," He swore. "She just called me Anakinny."

Obi-Wan nodded. "That signals when you're supposed to leave and never see the Kenobi penthouse ever again."


	27. Wii

Obi-Wan and Anakin played for a long time. Their palms were getting sweaty from using the remote for so long.

Obi-Wan's character leaped off the platform—again. This had to be the 100th time. Oddball didn't respawn this time. The screen went black as the words "Game Over" flashed across the TV.

Anakin turned to Obi-Wan. "You realize we're still on Factory Floor One, right?"

Obi-Wan plucked at his beard. "This is more stressful than our actual job."

Mrs. Kenobi entered, laughing her head off. "Guess what I heard?" She said. "Obi-Pumpkin's having a bad day."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Mother, please stop calling me— crap." He said when Oddball, once again, leaped off the platform. 101 times. One more and his free-falls would number the Dalmatians.

Suddenly, the controllers in Anakin's sweaty hands slipped out of his fist and went flying—straight for Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan tried to hide, but it was no use. The controller bonked him on the head, and then everything went black.


	28. Evil Mrs Kenobi

Obi-Wan awoke due to Mrs. Kenobi's act of pouring water all over his head. He sputtered and coughed. "Mum, were you trying to drown me?" He choked out.

"But Pumpkin, you got knocked unconscious. Another visit to Dr. Hsieh's office is in store," Mrs. Kenobi replied.

"NO!" Obi-Wan screamed. "You'll never take me alive!"

Obi-Wan ran out of the penthouse, but he tripped on the top step and he tumbled all the way down. The sound of crashing and something breaking was heard in the penthouse. Anakin stared at Obi-Wan from the top of the stairs.

"I broke my leg!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

Mrs. Kenobi looked thrilled. "Dr. Hsieh, here we come."

"No, no no no!" Obi-Wan yelled. "Anakin, save me from this living death! Don't send me to prison! Help me!" The last part was said in a very high-pitched tone.

"Okay." Anakin muttered. "I'll take you to the Temple."

Obi-Wan looked truly grateful. "Hurry, before the Wicked Witch of the West comes and takes me to the dog pound! She'll kill me."

In Obi-Wan's eyes, Mrs. Kenobi turned green and had a nasty cackle.

Anakin quickly lifted Obi-Wan up and ran as best as he could down the hall.

Mrs. Kenobi sat in the penthouse, crying. "No one thinks I care. I'll show them."

She walked into a secret room and turned in the chain saw.


	29. Insanity Central

Obi-Wan and Anakin came back to the apartment. Obi-Wan was on crutches and had tripped over them several times. He knocked on the penthouse door.

Suddenly, the theme from _Psycho_ started playing in the hall. The two Jedi looked behind them. Painted on the wall was: "Don't try to hide. I will find you. And I will have a weapon beyond your wildest dreams."

"What?" Obi-Wan asked. "Don't tell me one of my nephews took my lightsaber again. He checked his belt. His saber was still there. So what was this weapon?

Too late, they saw Mrs. Kenobi, cutting up the stair banister with a chainsaw. Obi-Wan and Anakin screamed like little girls. This was just too scary for their minds to imagine.

"Run! Or hobble! Look out for yourselves! Look out for each other! Look out for chainsaws! Look out for enemies! Look out for spies! Look out for friends! Look out for pies! Look out below! Look out!" Anakin shouted.

The _Psycho _theme changed to the _Jaws_ theme. Mrs. Kenobi started coming up the stairs.

Obi-Wan Force-leaped into the penthouse after opening the door. He locked it and hid under the bed.

Meanwhile, Anakin was losing his mind. "Hold onto the railing! Hold onto your shirts! Hold onto your heads! Hold on! Hold onto your lightsabers! Hold onto your underwear! Hold onto your Starbucks lattes! Hold onto your hats!"

Anakin dove for the couch. He searched for Obi-Wan, then hid under the bed.

"Go, save yourself," Obi-Wan motioned to the turbolift inside the apartment.

"I'm not quitting you!" Anakin yelled.

Mrs. Kenobi cut apart the door, and then entered.

"Oh, dear Obi-Pumpkin," she smiled sweetly, "Don't you like the redecorating?"


	30. Raspberry Preserves

Mrs. Kenobi turned off the chainsaw. "Now, I'll bring out some tea, scones, and raspberry preserves," she said.

Obi-Wan crawled out from under the couch. "Thanks, mum," he replied. Then he watched 'Walking with Cavemen' on the Discovery Channel. The cavemen were chasing the wildebeast, and they finally ran it down. Blood hit the lens as the cavemen dug in.

Anakin's eyes widened. "Not… the raspberry preserves!" he exclaimed.

Sweat beads formed on Obi-Wan's forehead. "The same," he muttered. "We're going to be dead in an hour. Trust me."

Mrs. Kenobi looked at them curiously. "And what's so bad about raspberry preserves.

Anakin looked like he was struck by lightning. He was too scared to move. "They are the complete and total evil," he began.

"That made us the object of a terrible joke," Obi-Wan continued.

Mrs. Kenobi walked over to them. "Like what?"

"After the fight with Count Dooku," Anakin started, "Both Obi-Wan and I had lightsaber wounds. Padme—" here, dreams of Padme's smile and her 'bat ears' hairstyle flooded Anakin's mind. He started to drool.

"Have you lost it, man?" Mrs. Kenobi asked in the same manner as Jerry Seinfeld.

"Well, Yoda had some raspberry preserves and cheese-its. And he would dip the cheese-it in the jam. It was disgusting," Obi-Wan began.

"And what next, Obi-Pumpkin?" Mrs. Kenobi asked, thoroughly amazed by the tale Obi-Wan had spun.

"Well, looking at his raspberry-preserved cheese-it, he commented that our wounds looked a lot like…"

"RASPBERRY PRESERVES!!!" They shouted in unison.


	31. Epilogue

Epilogue

"We gather here today to celebrate the passing on of Mr. Obi-Wan Kenobi," the minister proclaimed.

Luke Skywalker had to admit that the minister's words were a little odd for a funeral. But he had come anyway after he heard that Mrs. Kenobi had done a memorial service for his dear friend Ben.

In the front row sat Trever and Sanika, the twins; Serra Kenobi was there also, and Owen sat stiffly next to a sobbing Mrs. Kenobi. Luke felt sympathy for Mrs. Kenobi—Obi-Wan had died at the hands of his old apprentice, Darth Vader.

Towards the end of the ceremony, the pastor declared, "If the mother of the deceased could come forth and say her last good-bye?"

Mrs. Kenobi held up Ben's cloak that Luke had given her. "(sob) My little Obi-pumpkin was such a good boy. He was a notorious toddler for playing with his food. That's how we learned he was Force-sensitive—he threw food at dear Serra. And he, with his master Qui-Gon Jinn—Obi-pumpkin would always puke up last night's dinner on his stays. But my best memory is of Christmas, those many years ago. Obi-pumpkin and Anakin (sob) came over for Obi's birthday. I learned, for the first time, that Obi sucks at virtual volleyball. And then I sent that wonderful video into CFHV (but I won't reveal what that stands for. It takes far too long to type.) Oh, the happy memories. Like the time he wrote home, saying that his only true love was a girl named Siri Tachi and that she was so pretty…"

Luke looked down at his boots. Man, he hadn't expected that last bit out of Old Ben.

"And Christmas, when my little bumpkin started chasing his apprentice, Anakinny around the room and called him a Sithie walrus…"

Okay. Now Luke saw the reason behind Darth's slaying of Ben.

000

At the end of the service, Luke walked up to Mrs. Kenobi. He offered his hand. "Hello, Ms. Kenobi," he said. "I'm sorry for…"

"Aw, don't be sorry, Lukie," Ms. Kenobi replied. "And if you have any needs, I'll give you a place to sleep and some scalloped potatoes, that was Obi's favorite, and you and the kids can play a round of virtual volleyball (just don't run into the TV) and I'll serve you some of my 100-year-old egg nog and…"

Luke Skywalker quickly turned and walked away. That would be the last time he'd meet the Kenobis.


End file.
